judgment

When I first started going to the clinic this year (in January) I judged.

I didn't understand. I wept. I prayed. I was angry. I was sad. I was hurt. I was confused.

I didn't know what I know now. And I thought I was going there to change someone. To change their minds. To change their hearts.

I didn't realize that every time I went to the clinic it was ME who was being changed. I never admitted to being a bit judgmental because I honestly didn't think I was. I believed I was thinking like any other concerned, pro-life woman would. And in all the hours I spent standing on a sidewalk in front of an abortuary, God was changing me. He was working on MY heart.

I was lonely sometimes and standing by myself. Now I know why. He had my full attention. It wasn't long before I realized God was doing a work in ME. Wait, I wasn't here for ME, I was here to hopefully change other womens minds... and hearts. Remember God? That was the deal.

Instead, women came and went. Some with their babies and some without. I was broken and God was the Healer. The more my heart broke with every woman I saw the more He got inside. He changed me. And suddenly I realized I was judgmental. Not in a hateful way. I wish you could know that. In a "what is SHE DOING???" way.

God changed this about me. I need you to know that. I WANT you to know that.

I am not judgmental. I'm a child of God. And I'm a sinner. Just like you. I have to get on my knees before my Savior and ask for forgiveness too. There are many times I feel unworthy to be labeled His and at times feel ashamed to go before Him. If I EVER start to feel even the slightest bit like I want to judge I QUICKLY remind myself I would be dead in my own sin if not for the grace of my sweet Lord.

When I look at these women at the abortion clinic it's all I can do not to RUN up that driveway and take them in my arms. I want to tell them it will be ok and they can do it!! I want to cry with them or be angry with them or just sit with them.

Yes, I know things they do not know. Though I've never experienced having an abortion I feel I am able to show compassion and concern because we are all children of God and we all must start taking care of one another. Saving one another from our sins.

I'm telling you the truth. Just because I'm standing on a sidewalk looking at you doesn't mean I'm judging you. I am praying so hard for you. I'm praying God will wrap His arms around you and show you the way. I'm praying you will recognize the way out He has provided. I'm praying you will not have to leave with regret and pain and heartache.

I'm not judging you. And I pray to GOD you will see that and feel that.

I love you. I'm concerned for you. Not because I think I'm perfect or worthy to be standing on a sidewalk facing you but because I truly desire to reflect the face and love of Christ.

And if that's a crime, well, I'm guilty as charged.