I want to tell you about my night...

Tonight I left work and had plans to meet a dear friend for some lonnnnng overdue (sweet) fellowship. My plan was to eat once I arrived at our meeting place. Instead, I left work and drove to the clinic. (eating in the car on my way) It seems most of my meals these days are spent with my friends Charles Stanley and "The Bible Answer Man" (both awesome programs on 1030AM)

I'll let you in on the thoughts swimming in this head of mine on the way there... (I now know that God was listening in on the conversations with myself)

'I can't wait for them to see me and know that we are NOT going to give up...'

'I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they drive out TODAY! Day 42 and there I'll be...'

'I wonder if they'll say anything to me today or if they'll pretend to look right through me again...'


I arrived. Grabbed my Bible and my sign. Oh yes, here we go,
'I'm ready for whatever you've got tonight!' I thought.
'Come on Lord, let's show them what we've got!'

I marched right up to that sidewalk with my sign in hand and Bible on my hip. Took the same position I always do, right where I always stand. The lights were on in the waiting room and here I go... bring it on... I bow my head and BAM... The Lord got me good....

You know all those smart-alleck thoughts I was having in the car?
Well, they are IMMEDIATLEY stripped away.

Suddenly, I'm alllllll alone. I so quickly grabbed my sign and my Bible from the car but... forgot my armor. I was completely bare and it was just me and the clinic. I so suddenly realized I was nothing but a little child standing in front of a big building that held a lot of things that I couldn't change. All those tough thoughts in the car were not getting me anywhere but a lonely sidewalk. I opened my eyes and looked to the left and right. The only one around was the man with the leaf blower not too far away across the street... and he was paying me no mind from what I could tell. 'Well, he'll notice me in a second and maybe he'll come over and talk to me. Surely he will. Atleast I'll get to witness to someone...'

Guess when the leaf blower finally came over?
He didn't.

Guess when the "security" guard finally drove out (slowly, to intimidate me!)?
He didn't.

Guess what happened when the same nurses came down the drive this time?
'Day 42! Here I am ladies!'
They didn't.

...

I was alone. No one saw me. Atleast I don't think they did. You see, this all happened... suddenly. No confrontation. No words. No looks. No nothing. No one cared about me and my Bible and my sign.

Over the clinic the sun was coming through the clouds. It was GORGEOUS. I peaked over the top of the building. Oh, my heart. There you are. I'm not so angry anymore.

He began a work in me that quickly. I'm telling you, from the time my feet hit "my spot" He had me.

"Child, you can look left or right but no one is there. Look behind you. No one. And in front? You are all alone. No one is with you, precious. It's just you and Me, so look up girl... here I AM. Don't look away... just tell me what's on your heart."

And I did. I really did. I just talked and talked. I just loved on Him for a little while. I told Him how good He was and how strong He was. How I want to run to Him. How I thought He was Awesome and Amazing. I talked to Him about abortion too and then (to my surprise!) I asked Him to love on the those who worked there. I suddenly realized how He was working on my heart... and so I sang the only song that came to mind....

"I surrender all...."

(and you won't believe this, and I'm no Snow White, but as I looked at the sidewalk beside me, two birds who'd been singing away were taking baby hops right down the sidewalk towards me. They were looking right at me as if to say, "oh, girrrl, we were just singing to Him too!")

True story.

I love Him. I love Him more tonight.
I have no other answers.
And I still don't understand the ways of the world tonight.
But I know I love Him. I know I love Him more.

And that's all that matters.


"... all to Thee, my PRECIOUS Savior..."
I surrender all.

April 7, 2009
pm